Nate and Caroline - finding the adoption support our family needed
After moving to Buckinghamshire, Nate and Caroline's approached our service for some help supporting their daughter. Here, they share their experience working with us and adoption...
Book an online information event
We host online information events on the first Tuesday of each month for anyone interested in adopting to attend. Find out about the adoption process plus the support available before, during and after you adopt, and ask any questions you may have.
Our adoption journey did not begin with Buckinghamshire Council…
We were living in London. Our twin birth children were coming up to seven years old and we felt that we still had more left to give. We've been teachers in the past and had experience with children in care and adopted children. We felt that we knew what we would be getting into. After finding an adoption agency in our area that we could work with and going through the assessment, training and matching process, we brought our amazing little girl home.
When we moved to Buckinghamshire, we contacted Buckinghamshire Council for post-adoption support…
Working with Buckinghamshire, we have received amazing care for our daughter. She has had occupational therapy, she's had amazing therapeutic life story work. The team have come out and offered our daughter some support in school for a few tricky things that have come along. These have been part of the normal course of life and families, but our daughter found them trickier because of her background.
We're so fortunate that therapists have come to meet her in school, which is nice neutral ground. The team has also been incredibly supportive of us in helping to integrate our daughter into her school, and we love our meetings around our child. The team at school, her parents, her therapist, and her social workers all come together. It’s helped us to support our daughter so she can thrive.
We’ve also heard people worry if they would love their adopted child in the same way as their birth children…
It’s certainly been our experience that you can. We love our daughter and we love our birth children in exactly the same way.
When we're asked by other families about adoption, a lot of people come up with the reasons why they can't
People say things like, “I don't own my house” “I have birth children” “ I don't know if I can” “I don’t have the right network for this.” People put up a lot of barriers. Our experience has been that anyone, pretty much anyone, can adopt. If your heart is in the right place and you are willing to learn how to support your child, then adoption is for you.
It's about realising that you have the right skill set to offer a safe, happy home and support that child to flourish.
It goes without saying, adoption can be hard work…
Everything that is hard work in the end is worth it. When you look back and you think, goodness, we gave this little one a chance to move out of their projected life path into something that is now really positive for them. You sit back after a few years and you're like, you know, this is amazing. This is amazing getting to see her, our daughter, get these life chances that she probably wouldn't have had otherwise.
It's hard work, but you do your best and you get through each day. It's going to be worth it.
If you are considering adoption, don’t think ‘I can’t’ think ‘how could I make this happen?’
You know, we have a little house and it's crazy. We work. Our caregiving is our priority and fits in with our life. Many employers are flexible. So you can get your kid to different therapy sessions or life story work, and anything else you need.
The advice I would give to anyone thinking of adoption would be to talk…
In adoption, there are no stupid questions. You need to put everything on the table and ask your questions. That will help you become more comfortable and trust the process. The adoption team and your social worker are not there to judge you or pull you down. Be honest with them. You can stop at any time if it doesn’t feel right.
By the end of the process, if you have gone through all of your meetings and your training, you've talked to other adoptive parents and you've involved yourself in groups, if you've made it through all of that, then you're absolutely right for adoption. You are in exactly the right place to take that next step.
Adoption information sessions are a great place to start…
There is lots of useful information at these sessions and an opportunity to ask questions. You can talk about your situation and get practical advice. For example, we were buying a house and the adoption team said buy your house, settle in, give it six months and come back – we’ll be here for you. They might also suggest that you volunteer somewhere and get a little bit of childcare experience. That sort of advice is really useful.