Managing and planning for change
Change is an inevitable part of life, from experiencing small daily changes to more significant events and stages in life. Change can be a great opportunity for growth, learning and healing. Change can also be difficult for all of us, triggering feelings of fear and anxiety and sometimes impacting our behaviour and responses. This can be particularly so for children who are adopted and will have already experienced significant change and disruption in their lives, often with little control. Even more difficult, is that many of our children don't have conscious memories of these changes and the triggers can be unknown or difficult to anticipate. This can lead to increased worries, anxieties and stress. Here are some ideas and resources for supporting adopted children with change:
- Give your child time to mentally prepare
Where it is possible to plan and prepare for change, give your child the opportunity to become familiar with and aware of the changes to come and use visual aids i.e. photos, timetables, social stories
- It takes time
Give your child time and space to accept and adjust to change. Expect some regression and try to see and respond to the unmet need beneath the behaviour. Create opportunities for connection and model your own healthy emotional expression and coping mechanisms.
- Maintain routine
Predictability and consistency increase security. Alongside change, maintain familiar routines where possible including bedtime and mealtimes.
- Give your child some control.
Feeling out of control and feeling like things are being done to them is a major cause of anxiety for children. If there are elements of the change your child can have some say in, listen to and include them. Give your child a sense of agency and importance within this change. However, you can help them to feel helpful and part of the decision-making process in an age-appropriate way, which will go some way to supporting them through this change.
- Talk about the change.
Your child might ask the same questions over and over again and may try to manage their own worries or process the change via repetition. Answer their questions (even if you have a hundred times before), try to maintain an honest and positive approach and recognise and validate their worries. Be curious and use feelings words to help them link their physical responses to their emotions.
- Spend quality time together.
In the midst of change, you might be managing your own worries and anxieties as well as your families. Try to nurture your connection with your child, you are their safe base and your bond with your child is key to their co-regulation. Make time for moments of connection, never underestimate the power of play!
- Don't forget about 'you'.
Change is hard for all of us and whilst attending to your child's needs is going to be your priority, you can't fill their cup without tending to your own. Think about your self-care needs. Take whatever moments you can to top up your cup.
Resources:
- We Are Family Podcast - Supporting emotional resilience for our children (Season 2, Episode 1) Podcast - We are Family Adoption
- Information and practical tips to help you support your child during a time of transition or change from YoungMinds Transitions and change | Mental Health Parent Guide | YoungMinds
- To help your child deal with uncertainty and change visit the BBC Tiny Happy People webpage
At Buckinghamshire Council, our support doesn't stop after adoption. We're here for the journey - providing services to help adopted children, young people and their families. Find out more about the adoption support we provide, visit the adoption support web page.
Considering adoption? We host online information events on the first Tuesday of each month for anyone interested in adopting to attend. Find out about the adoption process plus the support available before, during and after you adopt, and ask any questions you may have.