22-year-old Jess opens up about growing up with Foetal Alcohol Syndrome Disorder and finding her family through being fostered
As part of our recent It Takes A Village event, which celebrated and discussed supporting children and young people with additional needs and disabilities, we interviewed 22-year-old Jess. Jess was born with foetal alcohol syndrome. Jess moved in with Liz, David and family at 8 and is still living with them now. When Jess turned 18, she chose to stay with Liz and Dave supported by the Shared Lives scheme.
When did you first move in with Liz and David? What was it like?
I moved in here when I was 8 in December 2007 - 15 years ago! When I visited, the other children were making baubles for the Christmas tree and I made one too. It was on the tree when I moved in. The other children were older than me and have moved out of the home since then, but I see them a lot when it’s not lockdown.
When I first arrived, I was a bit excited and a bit nervous. The family had decorated the room for me and painted my name on a box, so I felt welcome.
What are your favourite things about living with Liz and David and your family?
I have always been made to feel part of the family and Liz and David are my Mum and Dad now. I decided that when I was 8 and even though I wasn’t supposed to call them that I did, and they couldn’t stop me!
I love everything about living here. I like helping other foster children who come here (there have been about 40 altogether). I also feel very loved. I enjoy family Christmas, celebrations, birthdays, parties and some great holidays. I loved going to Spain with my Mum, sister and my niece – just girls! We have also had loads of fun family holidays in England and abroad. I sometimes go just with Mum and Dad or sometimes the whole family and foster children.
You have overcome a lot and have come to terms with your diagnosis of Foetal Alcohol Syndrome Disorder. What advice would you give to other people about this?
It took me a while to come to terms with my difficulties and I used to get very angry. I got excluded from 3 schools and asked to leave 2 colleges but when I found horses, I was happy. Mum and Dad always stuck by me and found things I did enjoy such as drama clubs, our village performing arts group and of course, horses. I would advise anyone who has Foetal Alcohol Syndrome or something similar not to be scared or worried about it but to work with your carers and find things you enjoy. When I first came here, I tried things like ballet and skating and piano but when I found Stagecoach and drama and horses, I was happy. Try new things and have a go.
What challenges did you overcome growing up?
I found school difficult as I would get angry and frustrated, and changes in staff and routine would upset me. I found maths difficult. Mum and Dad (Liz and David) always had high expectations of me and helped me practice lessons at home, role-played new situations, and taught me to read and write so I could be more independent. I love writing now and I am getting better with technology. I did eventually get the equivalent of 9 GCSEs and have two Level 2 diplomas in drama and animal care. It sometimes meant my Mum had to stand over me while I took the exams, but it paid off in the end.
I found contact with my birth family tricky and I don’t want to talk about that, but I was glad Liz/Mum kept me in contact with them as when my birth Mum died, Liz managed to get me there in time to say goodbye.
It was hard when my older siblings left home but when it’s not lockdown, I visit them, and I have even been on a train to stay with Polly. Lucy is one of my carers, so I stay with her about once a month.
Why do you think you are such a resilient person?
It’s because I have help and experience and I have also had some useful therapy sessions with the adult learning disability team. I wouldn’t go on my own, but Mum came with me and I eventually talked and understood some of the behaviours I was having. The lady called Kate was very patient and listened but also made me think about things I didn’t really want to - but it did help.
Why did you choose to stay with Liz and David?
I know where my bread is buttered! They love me and I love them. It’s my family and they are like real parents and my brothers and sisters are real to me. I also love my dog Rosco, I walk him every day and he sleeps on my bed. I am very much part of our village – I have friends here and go to the youth club here. I am part of the Church choir and I deliver the village magazine. My grandma is very important to me and so is my Aunt – I might have fostered them, but they don’t seem to mind!
What have you been up to during lockdown?
Unfortunately, my therapeutic placement closed and so Mum found me a new one but until the lockdown is over it is not safe for me to go.
For fun I do Chrystal art, do karaoke on zoom, do quizzes, go for walks, watch Netflix and listen to music, I go swimming in our pool when it’s not too cold, and we have party nights, BBQ’s and takeaways. I’m also learning Makaton; we play board games and we did a zoom song as a drama group.
You have been home-schooling children at home. Tell me about that?
We have a seven and a five-year-old that we teach each day. Before they came here, they hadn’t been to school and since they have been here it has been mostly lockdown.
Mum is the teacher and I am the TA. I sit with the one Mum isn’t teaching and I help them with encouragement, spelling, numbers and practical things like finding their equipment, sharpening pencils and general keeping our classroom areas tidy. It is lovely to see they can now read and write and do some maths.
What would you like to do in the future?
Hopefully, I can find a child-care course in college and continue working with animals. I think I’ve learned you can always try new things.
What are you looking forward to most when the pandemic is over?
Going on holiday. Hugging Grandma and seeing family. Going horse riding, doing a show and going to Animal Antiks.
What message would you like to give other people who have moved from their birth family? What knowledge would you like to share?
We always remember our birth family but there are lots of people in life who will love you, look out for you and be there. Being part of a wider community is also important even if scary. It is the people who stick with you even when it’s hard that really count.
Find out more
If you’d like to chat with one of our foster carers on a one-to-one basis to hear what it’s really like to Foster with Bucks then please get in touch with us today by emailing us at [email protected]
We also host monthly virtual information events and welcome anyone interested in learning more about the application process in a relaxed and comfortable online environment. Email us to book your place at [email protected]