Blogs Fostering

How long have you been fostering?

I’ve been fostering for over 20 years! Two of my early long-term children stayed with me, a brother and sister who I now call my son and daughter. They’ve now grown up and moved out, so now I’ve been fostering teenagers solidly for about three years now.

Have you always fostered teens?

No, when we started, we had a four-year-old girl, and after that it was usually children around 10 years old. When my son and daughter first came to stay, they were eight and 11, and as I said, they stayed with me into adulthood. So I’ve had a mixture of ages – it’s only been the last three years that I’ve only had teens.

What is the difference between fostering younger children and older children/teenagers?

While teens can sometimes be a bit more rebellious, younger children need more time. With the teens, we have games nights and play card games which is nice, and they’re always a great help with technology! There are also things like relationships and sex education to teach teenagers. Teenagers are also far more independent, but this is of course something they need to learn.  

Why did you decide to foster teens?

At the time, we already had an 18-year-old foster child with us, so it made sense to have another teenager, and it just went from there!

How do you set boundaries?

When the young people first arrive, we sit down and lay out the basic rules. We have a rule with mobiles where, depending on their age, the mobile comes out of their room on a school night by 9:30. But we make sure we’re open with them and tell them that this is their home for as long as they’re here. We encourage them to make their bedroom their own with posters and whatever else – it’s very important that they feel at home.

What has been your biggest challenge in fostering teens?

Teens are picky eaters! It can be hard to get them to eat their vegetables. We talk to them about their likes and dislikes but trying to ensure a balanced diet can be a challenge. In challenging situations, it’s important to look back at what you were like at that age and give them a little leeway! Sometimes you have to accept the things you can’t change without making a big issue of it.

What is the most rewarding thing about fostering older children/teens?

It’s seeing them achieve something. It’s the pride when the young person’s school rings up to let us know how much they have improved since arriving with us. It’s little steps to show them a different way of life, teaching them about good, healthy relationships so they don’t repeat the cycle.

Why do you think people are nervous about fostering teens?

I think it’s the uncertainty of what their behaviour will be like. Of course, there are some very rebellious teenagers out there. But at the end of the day, they are people like you and I – people who need more understanding, especially if they’ve come from lots of different carers and moved around a lot. When one of our foster children arrived, she asked us, “what would it take for you to say you won’t have me anymore?” Teenagers in care have a lot of fear that they don’t talk about.

What advice would you give to someone considering fostering teenagers?

If you’re not sure, maybe start off doing respite. Definitely talk to other carers who have got teens. They will rebel and push boundaries, but even the little ones do that. These children are very vulnerable and you have to learn to build their trust.

It’s also good to try and get teens interested in something, anything from charity work to make-up. One of our foster children, who is grown up now, has been to South Africa for three weeks to volunteer in a school! It’s great to help them develop a passion.

How do you try to prepare teens for adult life?

Our teens do their own laundry and every week they clean their rooms, hoover, make their beds and dust. This gives them the responsibility to take care of their surroundings. In fact, one of my foster daughters, who is grown up now, told me that when she went to her boyfriend’s parents’ house, she couldn’t believe what a mess it was and had to clean it up! She said she was turning into me – it was a proud moment! It’s all about preparing them for life so that you know they’ll be okay.

I think being part of a family also teaches teenagers who haven’t experienced this before about what is acceptable behaviour. One of our foster children had anger issues, but I look after my nephew and granddaughter a few times a week, and them being around helps prevent the child from channelling her emotions in a negative way.

How do you make time for yourself?

I go upstairs and have a read! That’s another good thing about fostering teens – you get more time for yourself and they help run the house!

How has your family coped throughout lockdown?

The first lockdown went brilliantly! The girls helped us decorate the hall which we’ve been working on for a year. They coped with it very well; I think because we were all in the same situation it helped, it was something we were all sharing.

This time, though, it’s more confusing, which is hard for my young people to understand. One of our foster daughters had just started university but has had to come home due to the situation. I’m so proud of her though - she isn’t giving up and is reapplying for next year!

Any final advice for anyone considering fostering?

I always say that if you can love, do it. Don’t ever dream about a perfect child arriving at your home – 80% of the time this is the case, but sometimes it is difficult and that’s the same in any family. It’s about showing these young people that someone cares for them and maybe they’ve never had that. Every foster carer I’ve met in my 20 years has loved it, even with the occasional headaches!

Get in touch

If you’d like to chat with one of our foster carers on a one-to-one basis to hear what it’s really like to Foster with Bucks, then please get in touch with us today by emailing us at [email protected].

We also host monthly virtual information events and welcome anyone interested in learning more about the application process in a relaxed and comfortable online environment. Email us to book your place at [email protected].