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Asking open questions is a powerful tool, it encourages learning, the exchange of ideas and builds rapport and trust.

Using the PACE therapeutic framework of Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity and Empathy during conversations and interactions, allows us to build on positive, safe and healthy relationships with children and young people. This was created by Dan Hughes, a clinical psychologist, specialising in the treatment of children and young people, who have experienced trauma.

So what is PACE and how can we use it day to day? Lets take a look at the four key elements in more detail.

Playfulness

This is about bringing fun and joy to our conversations. Using humour and laughter can help to create atmosphere of lightness to our interactions allowing others to feel comfortable and at ease. This does not mean we need to use humour all the time or when children feel sad; but it allows us to support them to be more playful and open to activities that create fun and enjoyment. It can allow closeness without this being overwhelming and gives them opportunity to wonder a little more about their life.

Create opportunities for playful interactions in daily routines, for example sharing jokes or funny stories at mealtimes or on car journeys.

Acceptance

Acceptance is about embracing a person for who they are without judgement or criticism and is the core of a child’s sense of safety and security. Children need to feel liked for who they really are. Being curious and making sense of how children and young people have learnt to behave in certain ways, can help with acceptance and create more open communication. It is important to make them aware that it is their behaviour that is unacceptable not them as a person.

Practice validating feelings, you don’t have to fix the problem – listening and validating the connected emotions is often enough.

Curiosity

Curiosity is being genuinely interested in learning more about that person and their experiences. For us to make sense of the inner experience of the child, we need to have a desire to learn more about them and understand their thoughts, feelings, and needs. Wondering about the child and with the child about what they are thinking and feeling, in that moment, can help to create empathy and a deeper connection.

Create opportunities for meaningful conversations, using open ended questions and active listening, to learn more about each other’s interests and experiences.

Empathy

Empathy is the ability to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes, allowing us to understand how they may be feeling. It is like being able to share their sadness or frustration, whilst communicating they are not alone. This allows the child to know their feelings have been heard and are valid. You may not agree with their feelings or opinions, and that is ok, but by listening and staying with the child emotionally during times of distress, you are supporting them to safely express and understand their feelings.

Use language such as, ‘it seems’ or ‘you might be’ rather than, ‘you are’ or ‘you must be’.

Sentence starters you could try:

I wonder if….

I am trying to imagine….

Can you help me understand…?

Tell me if I’m getting this wrong…

As you were talking I was starting to think that maybe…

It sounds like it’s been really tough…

I am so sorry it’s been so hard for you…

I think I am starting to understand now…..

I think you might be letting me know that….

Let’s make sure I’ve got that right….

By applying PACE principles to our everyday conversations and interactions, we are supporting children and young people to the develop skills needed to reflect on their own, needs, thoughts, feelings and behaviour. Over time, this can help children and young people to build positive and trusting relationships with those around them, giving them a stronger sense of safety and belonging.

Sources

https://ddpnetwork.org

https://helpchildrenlivebetter.co.uk/pace-a-therapeutic-approach/